Facing Your Fears

It's so easy to accept our fears! Some of them are rationale and keep us safe from danger, but some of them are less rationale and keep us bound up inside and stop us reaching our full potential.

I (Ruth) have, for as long as I can remember, had a real fear of heights. I can become shakes, dizzy and at times practically frozen, when put in a position where I feel out of my comfort zone. I remember taking our children to the Natural History Museum in London when they were in primary school and going on the really long/tall escalator into the sun (not sure if it's still there - I hope not!). For anyone who's not experienced it, it just rises up in the centre of the room, with nothing either side of it. I knew the minute that I stepped on, that I'd made a mistake, but by then, it's too late!

As many of you will know, we left our jobs in Bewdley nearly two years to embark on a new life working at ngm (New Generation Music) in Thornbury. As such, were both part of the core team who help plan and prepare for the Nancy Goudie Spiritual Health Weekends each year - these are 2 ladies conferences we hold each year, one in Bristol and one in Preston. On average we have about 600 ladies attending the weekends each year, for a time of teaching, worship, ministry and just being pampered! We aim to make the ladies feel special and loved from the moment they arrive to the moment they leave. The weekends are held in Marriott hotels and involve a gala dinner and first class entertainment from members of the NGM team, but this all obviously means that the weekends are beyond the reach of some of the ladies who would benefit most from them!

A few years ago, Nancy felt a clear calling to follow the example from scripture, where in Luke 14, Jesus is telling the parable of the great banquet, where the master sends his servants out to invite in the poor, the lame, the blind etc. So she set up a bursary fund to enable us to do this. Over the years we have built up great relationships with organisations working with families/ladies in the areas of
debt, human trafficking, prostitution, post abortion counselling, abusive relationships etc.  Over the
last couple of years we've had sufficient funds to be able to offer free places to over 100 ladies each
year.  We have been supported by a number of charitable trusts over the years, who have made sizeable donations and also by shw ladies, who know the life changing impact the weekends can make, who have either donated money or who have undertaken fund raising efforts on our behalf.

The core organising team have always undertaken fund raising challenges over the years, ranging from Nancy swimming 400 lengths, to various sponsored runs, through to Kat shaving her head.  When we were sitting down earlier this year to plan what we were going to do to raise funds for the 2016 weekends, I felt really challenged to do something that would really stretch me and push me to face my fears. I felt that by doing this, I could identify with the ladies who we are trying to help, who have to overcome so many fears to get to the weekends, whether by actually reaching out to someone and asking for help, admitting that things are out of control, or by trying to change their situation. So the thought of pushing through my fear of heights was born.

As many of you will know, Derek and I celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary in March of this
year. We have for as long as we can remember wanted to do a trip to Canada and go on a train through the Rockies and had always promised ourselves that one day we would do it.  Following the loss of Derek's mum, we were left some money and having thought long and hard, we decided to use the money for the trip of a lifetime, so we depart for Vancouver on Saturday 23rd May.  Having spent time investigating what else we could do while in Canada, we seemed to keep getting drawn to things involving height, glass floors and things hanging off the side of a cliff face!  So, I thought why not see if people will sponsor me to attempt to do some of these "unnatural" and down right "stupid"
challenges - Derek will be taking photos and videos of me attempting the challenges and we'll be
posting updates via Facebook and will also post some on this blog. So if you want to see me looking terrified, crying, shaking, please do support me.

We'll be starting with a nice "easy" trip up a tower in Vancouver.  Followed by a visit to the Capilano
Suspension Bridge Park, Capilano Suspension Bridge Park where as well as a terrifying looking suspension bridge, their is also a treetops adventure and a cliff walk (a walkway suspended on the
side of a cliff face). Then there is the Glacier Sky Walk, a glass walkway suspended on the side of a glacier.  If I haven't by this stage, had to see how good our holiday insurance is, there is the small matter of  theLake Louise Gondola a cable car to the top of Mount Whithorn.

So please do support a really worthwhile and amazing charity, while forcing me to challenge my fears.  You can give via my VirginMoney Giving page. Thank you for reading this and watch out for the updates.

Healing

In my childhood home church, healing, miracles and other physical signs of God's power were definitely thought by most people to have been something for biblical times and not for the modern world.  How a Methodist church could have drifted so far from the experience of their great founding father is anyone's guess.  Unfortunately, there are still lots of people within churches today who dispute that God moves in power these days.

Over the years, as we've worked with YFC and been in a couple of home Churches and been to events like Spring Harvest and Soul Survivor, we've received some excellent teaching on the work of the Holy Spirit and seen our fair share of healing's.  We've both been on the receiving end of a few, so can speak from personal experience. We've even blogged about a couple that Ruth has experienced in the last few months.

I was asked by one of our interns if the story of the healing of my back was true, as it had been mentioned in a session.  I had to explain that it happened about 30 years ago.  I'd had some issues a few years previous, after I'd damaged my back trying to lift a piano (those who were in the youth group at Garforth might remember the incident).  It had eventually healed itself with lots of rest, but I badly pulled/tore the muscles getting out of the back of a mini (they don't tell you about these kind of problems in the adverts, do they?).  I was confined to spending 24 hours a day lying on the floor and popping lots of painkillers.  We'd previously arranged to visit Ray & Nancy to discuss a possible job with Heartbeat (which we didn't get, but we were persistent and ended up joining them about 29 years later!).  The journey was horrendous and I could hardly move when we arrived. They offered to pray for me, which I obviously accepted and gingerly stood up. The next thing I remember was lying on the floor, not being able to move or speak and just feeling warmth in my back. I could see and hear  them, as they proceeded to make lunch for us, with them coming back every so often to check on me. I was told later, that they were completely exhausted after a long mission and that they weren't sure that they had the faith or energy to pray for me. They also told me that I'd gone down virtually as soon as they'd started praying and that I'd been literally bouncing on the floor and that they were worried that I might do more damage to my back. Suffice to say, that I got up after about half an hour, without any pain.

Here at ngm, we've been experiencing a fresh call to go deeper with God over the last year (see the A Day in His Presence blog from April).  In the last couple of months or so, we have seen numerous physical healing's - check out the videos from Amy and Joel on the new Generation Music Facebook page - Amy talks about her back being healed, while Joel talks about his eyes being healed and the fact that he doesn't need to wear glasses anymore.

Oh, to see more healing's, as God continues to draw us closer to him!  I'd started writing this in mid-November, but for some reason never published it, but having had a chance to talk to people over Christmas about some of the things we've been involved in, it just seems right to publish now.

We're calling out around the World!

In the words of the Classic Motown hit "Dancing in the Street", we are calling out around the world for performers, artists, worship leaders and technicians who want to develop their art form and their walk with God to join our Internship programme, called ingm.  We say that it's not like any other gap year, as it's for people who already know their gifting and calling, it's not something to do for a year out, it's designed to develop you and stretch you for a career within the arts and entertainment industry or as a worship leader within the Church.

We have got the necessary Government approval to be able to accept interns from around the world, so if you're reading this and you know someone who would benefit from this type of year, put them in touch.  For full info, including a great little video check out the ngm website  you can even apply online.

I've copied below, part of a recent ngm blog below, which asks some interesting questions about the sacred/secular divide.  I hope you find it interesting (click for the full blog):

"When an early century celt called Caedmon had a visitation from God he became one of the foremost bards of his time. The church leaders recognised his gifting as an artist when they heard the songs he was writing. They helped develop him in his faith and gifting and brought him into the leadership of the church, such was their high regard for art.

When some Celtic Christians took their art on their travels, some Christians broke their fingers because they said ‘art was of the devil!’ It must have also broken their hearts!

Today we are still suffering the effects of the reformation which had a huge impact in killing off 
artistic and creative gifting. We have never recovered!  It also helped spread a dreadful disease in the church called the sacred and secular divide!

It has been so good to see in the church, over the last number of years, such a new emphasis on 
justice being at the heart of the Gospel.  We also need a new renaissance of art and beauty.  It is vital if the church is going to take the lead and once again, not only influence culture, but create culture.

We in NGM are passionate about training a new generation of Spirit filled, innovative, thinking and excellent artists, artists the church so desperately need, artists who can bring colour into our black and white world."

Living by Faith!

The one bit of our move to ngm, that a lot of people struggled with, was the issue of us living by faith!  A number of friends told us that if ngm wanted us to carry out roles for them, then they should pay a proper wage! Our view has always been, that if God has called us to ngm, then he is able to provide.

When we set off on this journey, we had the regular financial support of some family members and a couple of friends, plus our home Church.  We have seen God's provision in so many ways, from being given an iPad, to meals out, to friends sending one off gifts.  We have never been without food on the table or petrol for the car - God is good!

Over the last few months, we've lost a couple of individual supporters, due to changes in their circumstances, but we've trusted that God will provide.  Our home Church also informed us that they wouldn't be able to continue supporting us after September, which was a big blow.  Part of our role at ngm, is to provide hospitality to visitors. A few months ago, we were entertaining someone for a week and we were able to just open our home and make them feel welcome.  During their stay, we were quizzed about life at ngm and what it's like to live by faith, we just tried to be honest.  When they left, they left us a small gift, which we were blown away by, but a few weeks later, Ruth received a private Facebook message asking if this person could support us on a regular basis. Wow! Though we haven't managed to replace all the support we lost, we are trusting that God will provide and as I said earlier, we haven't been without - God has provided in so many ways.

We've been very busy in the last couple of months, working lots of evenings and weekends and are in desperate need of a break.  We were thinking that it would be nice to have a few days rest and were just planning to have a couple of days off work, but then out of the blue, some amazing friends offered us a couple of days in a hotel. So on Thursday, were heading off for two of nights in a posh hotel, with a pool, gym etc.  I know that it shouldn't come as a surprise that our Heavenly Father
knows what we need before we ask, but it still amazes me at times!

Just wanted to share a recent blog post from the ngm website, that talks about living by faith, which you might find interesting: http://www.ngm.org.uk/jesus-said-follow/

Break A Leg?

Some of you may have seen on Facebook that Ruth managed to trip and fall about a month ago and fracture her fibula. It was about 9am on Saturday 14th June and we were all rushing around sorting the final arrangements, as we were hosting another 'A Day in His Presence'. Ruth managed to trip over a paving slab and realised that she was going to fall and hit a car, so tried to twist as she fell. Initially, we were more concerned about her ankle, as it seemed to be bent at an unusual angle, but that seemed fine.

Ruth being Ruth, she put some ice on it for a bit, took some pain killers and the carried on the rest of the day. It was only after we'd packed up and were thinking of settling down for the evening, that she decided that she needed to get it checked out. It was the night of England's second game in Brazil, so we guessed that A&E would be relatively quiet, which turned out to be true, but we still waited quite a lot! After being initially assessed, she had an x-ray and eventually saw a doctor, who said that she'd fractured the fibula right at the top and had damaged the ligaments as well. She said that they'd put a brace on her leg and to come back in the morning to the fracture clinic, so we left A&E at about 12:30 with an appointment for 9am in the morning.

It was quite amusing sitting in the waiting room, as there were a number of people watching & listening to the England game on their phones. There was a shout from one person that a goal had been scored, which was followed a couple of minutes later by some one else and then again by a third. We were a little confused at what was happening, but it seemed that due to different network coverage or ways they were watching, they'd all been celebrating the same goal. We ended up getting people to message us on Facebook with the scores.

We were back at 9am and thankfully there were a lot less people waiting to be seen, so we were seen pretty quickly. They showed us the x-ray, you could definitely see the fracture. They fitted another brace and sent us home, with a follow up appointment for the following Thursday, when they would check on the fracture and hopefully adjust the brace to give Ruth some more movement.

As you'll see from the following photo's, during the week a lot of bruising started to come out on the back of Ruth's leg. On the Tuesday evening at ngm, during our Church service, they prayed for Ruth's leg - she said that felt something in her leg, but couldn't describe it. When she returned to the hospital, after a lot so waiting around, including another x-ray, we went in to see the a different consultant.  He said that he couldn't understand why Ruth had the brace on, as he couldn't see any fracture! He examined her leg and confirmed that there was some ligament damage and that she'd need to keep using the crutches, until she felt she didn't need the support any longer, but she definitely didn't need the brace.  What an answer to prayer!



The other amazing thing was that the following weekend Ray & Nancy were contacted by a friend (Dorry) in the USA (Ray and Nancy had visited her Church a couple of months previous to preach), to say that a member of the Church had come up to her on the Sunday with a word for Ray and Nancy. He said that while praying, God had given him a word that someone in Ray and Nancy's organisation had injured their knee and that God was going to completely heal it. Dorry contacted Ray and Nancy and said this might sound a little weird, but and then gave them the word. They couldn't believe it!  How would someone in the States know about Ruth's knee, only God could have revealed it. We are believing and claiming this word, as though the fracture was miraculously healed, the ligaments are taking longer.  Her leg is a lot better, but not back to normal, so we're praying that the complete healing will happen.

Surrounded by Love (Part 3)

To conclude this rather lengthy story, I just wanted to finish by adding a couple of final things. 

When we finally got home and were given all the money which had been donated, it came to more than we needed to pay for the car, it enabled us to also pay for Josh's train ticket from London - so a huge thank you to everyone who contributed, but most importantly to God for His provision!

I was asked to do a reading at mums funeral. There was only passage I could read, Psalm 46, from where  "be still and know I am God" comes from.

Though it's still hard at times, to know that I can't just pick up the phone and chat to her, I know that she is in a better place and that one day I will see both her and my dad again. It's been a real comfort to have had so many people who knew both mum and dad over the years, saying such amazing things about them and about the impact they had on so many peoples lives. I'm proud to be able to say they were my mum and dad!

Surrounded by Love (Part 2)

The story continues:

The consultant came and spoke to Michael and I, she was very straight honest and took the time to answer all our questions. Apologies to anyone with any medical knowledge, but she told us that there was a big tear in the aorta artery which was leaking blood into the sack around the heart and once that was full, the heart would basically drown and stop.  She confirmed that there was nothing they could do, apart from make her comfortable while we waited the inevitable.

I'd been keeping Nancy up to date with text messages from mums bedside, so once I'd brought Ruth and the kids up to date, I sent her a text. She immediately said that she would share it with the guys at ngm and they would pray for us all.  A short while later, we got a call from Lonnie to say that the car had failed the MOT and that it was going to cost about £500 to get it sorted. We felt that this wasn't something we could really deal with at the time, so I just sent Nancy a quick text to say please pray for wisdom for us. She immediately came back and said that she'd posted on Facebook about our situation and asked for people to pray for us. Within about 5 minutes, I got a message from her to say that a friend of hers was sending £50, then about 15 minutes later I was told that this lady had increased her gift to £100. 5 minutes later another message, that a couple were giving us £50. About 20 minutes later, we were told that a further £100 had been promised and that someone had praying for us and felt they had a word from God for us "be still and know I am God". 

All the time I was receiving these messages, we were all sitting round mums bedside. My phone was in my hand and kept vibrating, I'd have a quick look and pass it to Ruth. It was av really weird feeling, to be in the sad position we were, but to know that a) God cared about everything - including the car & b) that people who didn't even know us, we're willing to just give us money. On receipt of that word, we contacted Lonnie and said give the garage the go ahead to do the work.

A few hours later, we received another message from Nancy to say that someone in Spain had contacted her with a word for us. They'd been praying for us and had been given the very same word  "be still and know I am God".  A nice little reminder, in case we'd forgotten. 

The following morning, I had a text conversation with Nancy while we were on the way to hospital about the whole situation. She promised that when all the ngm staff got together that morning to pray and worship, that they would continue to pray for us all. We felt a sense of peace going into the hospital, knowing that we were loved and cared for! Hey, we had half the money we needed! Well, a couple of hours later, we had another message to say that someone had suggested to the rest of the team that they hold a collection for us and they collected just over £100.

While all this was going on, family and friends were coming and going. Mum seemed to be doing really well, she felt up to a nurse giving her a wash and change of clothes and she asked Ruth to comb her hair and she had some lunch. We popped out to have a bit of lunch ourselves and had just got back on the ward when one of the doctors came to have a chat. He asked mum if she realised how ill she was, she said yes and explained her understanding of the situation. He confirmed what she said was right and he started to say that there was nothing more they could do apart from to make comfortable and he asked her whether she wanted to stay in hospital or if she'd prefer to go home. I was holding her hand and suddenly you could see in her face the realisation that she understood the situation. She said that she had a pain in her chest, my older brother ran off to try and find my younger brother who'd gone out for some lunch. The doctor said he'd be back in a minute and disappeared as well, leaving me holding mums hand, as she died. It was very quick in the end.